Harry Potter and the Quotes & Speeches of Hogwarts
by Killuminator
Summary: So, after the Inglorious Muggleborn thing, I decided to make a whole new stories containing nothing but speeches from games or movies or books, altered to fit into the Hogwarts universe. The result is this piece of abomination here. Read at your own risk.
1. Harry Aldo Potter

"My name is Harry Potter and I'm putting together a special team, and I need me 8 soldiers. 8 Muggleborn/Halfblood soldiers. Now, y'all might've heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier.

We're gonna be portkeyed into Knockturn Alley, dressed as civilians. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin' guerrilla army, we're gonna be doin' one thing and one thing only... killin' Death Eaters.

Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't come down from the goddamn London streets, cross 3 hundred miles of goddamned Knight Bus ride, fight my way through half of Knockturn Alley and use fuckin' tickling charm to teach the Death Eaters lessons in humanity.

Death Eaters ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a Muggle-hatin', mass murderin' maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why each and every sum bitch we find wearin' a Death Eater uniform, they're gonna die.

Now, I'm the somewhat direct descendant of a Hogwarts Founder. That means I got a little savage in me. And our battle plan will be that of an anti-terrorist resistance.

We will be cruel to the Death Eaters, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us.

And the Death Eaters won't not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the Death Eaters will be sickened by us, and they will talk about us, and they will fear us.

And when the Death Eaters close their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?"

"SIR YES SIR !"

"That's what I like to hear. But I got a word of warning for all you would-be warriors. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debit you owe me personally. Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Dark Marks. And I want my Dark Marks. And all y'all will git me one hundred Dark Marks, taken from the arms of one hundred dead Death Eaters. Or you will die tryin'."


	2. Tom Riddle Session

**If you know where this is from, great. If not, it's a RockStar game, there, a hint. Go look it up.**

Dr. Lovegood: St. Mungo studies we are, we are resuming with session 4-26 name Thomas M. Riddle, test case 412567. Tom? Can you hear me? Tom? Tom, can you hear me?

Thomas M. Riddle: Yeah and I can see you too.

Dr. Lovegood: We're going to continue with...

Thomas M. Riddle: You're hotter than the last one. Whatever happened to that good old Dr. Deborah anyway?

Dr. Lovegood: I'll be asking the questions...

Thomas M. Riddle: Ah that's right, I killed the bitch. Do you have a cigarette?

Dr. Lovegood: You know I don't.

Thomas M. Riddle: Yeah, she didn't have any either.

Dr. Lovegood: Tom, why did you kill...

Thomas M. Riddle: Come to think of it, I don't even know if I smoke. These potions that you puppets pump me with, I don't know Cain and Abel, can we stop with the drugs here, I like them hardy in all...

Dr. Lovegood: After attacking Dr. Deborah...

Thomas M. Riddle: ...just say fucking no!

Dr. Lovegood: Do you remember killing those other people before you were caught? Before you were sent here?

Thomas M. Riddle: The people you wanted me to kill? Or the people I felt should go.

Dr. Lovegood: I read your dossier, I'm fully aware of your expertise in assassination, that was your job and you did it exceptionally, but your targets were selected by the Ministry as immenent dangers, they were evil men, Death Eaters, you must realise that, but to turn on your own employers, the people who trained you.

Thomas M. Riddle: No we're the good guys, right I forgot we're the good clandestine government agency that slivers its way in every facet of Magical Britain life, right, right, ok, got it. You see good and evil are for those wage slaves out there that you can control, but no one controls me.

Dr. Lovegood: So the killing of the Unspeakable, the assassination of the Department Head at the Diagon Alley, the burning of the files, these were acts of vengeful spite, but Tom, why on earth would you kill...

Thomas M. Riddle: Don't you say one more fucking word, Dr. Deborah finished that question she wasn't alive to hear the answer. Look at me like that one more time and I'll rip your face off, bitch.

Dr. Lovegood: You don't scare me Tom, in fact you look pretty pathetic.

Thomas M. Riddle: I feel fucking pathetic. These potions dull my senses, these fucking chains hurt like hell, these fucking walls are all I ever see. I need to be free, I need to get out of here...

Dr. Lovegood: To satisfy more homicidal urges?

Thomas M. Riddle: ...I'm going to be free.

Dr. Lovegood: Tom, why...

Thomas M. Riddle: Dogs bark, snakes crawl, Tom kills, this is a surprise to you ? You fuckers created me. My head is filled with combat training, ways of escape, stealth tactics. I want to think about puppy dogs and fucking football but all I see are six things that can be used to kill you right now.

Dr. Lovegood: Six? Is that all?

Thomas M. Riddle: Sorry, seven, I could pierce your ear drum with the temple of your glasses, rip the pin off your ear rings and shove it in your systemic artery. Wrap that ID pass around your neck and choke the life out of you. Yank your high heels off and gouge out your eyes. Pierce your cephalic vein with that fucking quill your cheap dad bought you for graduation and inject ink into your blood stream or ram that wand into your septum and fuck your brain with your nose bone.

Dr. Lovegood: That's only six, Tom.

Thomas M. Riddle: I really can't mention number seven, not in front of you.

Dr. Lovegood: Before the training, Tom. What can you tell me about your life before the training?

Thomas M. Riddle: I don't have much time for the past.

Dr. Lovegood: Well is there any memory you can share? A first kiss, a special vacation...

Thomas M. Riddle: The only thing that matters is the future, the future is where I'm on the outside, the future is where I don't have to take orders from anyone.

Dr. Lovegood: How does Harry Potter fit into your future, Tom?

Thomas M. Riddle: [laughs] Harry is the only one in here that got fucked harder than me. I showed him that he doesn't have to be scared, that he can be a man; I'm here whenever he needs me.

Dr. Lovegood: [laughs] Okay... he needs you, or do you need him?

Thomas M. Riddle: I think we have come to the end of our little... session, babe.

Dr. Lovegood: I don't believe we have...

Thomas M. Riddle: …and let me ask you a question now, okay? When I broke these chains and strangled the life out of Dr. Deborah did they reinforce these chains so it couldn't happen again?

Dr. Lovegood: Ah...

Thomas M. Riddle: ...or did they just tell you they were reinforced? Because I feel they didn't.

Dr. Lovegood: Stop it Tom, sit down.

Thomas M. Riddle: You'd better call them, right now. Because I see another fucking dead doctor in my future.

Dr. Lovegood: Get back! Get back! Aurors! Aurors! Open the door!

Thomas M. Riddle: [laughs] I'll show you fuckers some fun, come 'ere.


	3. Harry Potter Session

**If you know where this is from, great. If not, it's a RockStar game, there, a hint. Go look it up.**

Dr. Lovegood: St Mungo Studies, we are resuming with, with session 5-26, name Harry J. Potter, test case 412566, Cortexa serum has been administered. Harry? Can you hear me?

Harry J. Potter: Yes, where am I?

Dr. Lovegood: You're in a safe place, Harry. A place where we can help you.

Harry J. Potter: ... thank you, who are you?

Dr. Lovegood: My name is Dr. Lovegood.

Harry J. Potter: Lovegood, Lovegood... wait, wait, wait, wait you're new, you're new, my doctor my... ah ... my doctor is ah, Deb…

Dr. Lovegood: Dr. Deborah, yes, Dr. Deborah had to take a leave of absence. I'll be continuing her progress.

Harry J. Potter: Oh, I'm afraid I can't bring you up to speed. I ... ah, I don't remember much.

Dr. Lovegood: That's ok, Harry, as one of Magical Britain's leaders in spell development, you had to remember a lot, it's ok to get a little confused.

Harry J. Potter: I, ah ... I think I have extreme anterograde amnesia with bursts of dissociative fugue states due to trauma, probably memory distressed.

Dr. Lovegood: That's one way to put it, yes, impressive, Harry.

Harry J. Potter: Ah ... I've been taking notes, in my head. I've been in here a long time, I think. But as soon as I grasp something, it slips right back out ... ah ... I do recognize that perfume, though.

Dr. Lovegood: You were the only one that liked it.

Harry J. Potter: Luna. Oh my god, Luna Lovegood! I worked with you!

Dr. Lovegood: The potion I injected into you is taking effect.

Harry J. Potter: Why? Why am I restrained? What's going on? Tell me!

Dr. Lovegood: You have only a few minutes of clear, cognitive processing before your amnesia returns and I need to ask you a question.

Harry J. Potter: Hmm, no this is crazy! Where's Hermione? Where's Ron? I want to speak with Ron.

Dr. Lovegood: Ron is dead, now listen carefully.

Harry J. Potter: Wait, no, wait. He is dead. Oh my god, oh you shot me with Cortexa, I invent the god damn thing and you stick it in me.

Dr. Lovegood: Harry, it takes a week for your mind to recover from this drug, time is precious. Now what do you remember about Ron's death?

Harry J. Potter: Ah ... it, it was ah, it was a setup. I thought he was my friend but he betrayed us. The Ministry was going to kill us.

Dr. Lovegood: Harry, you were a top spell researcher for the Ministry why would they kill you?

Harry J. Potter: You're telling me they wouldn't? Tom was sure of it.

Dr. Lovegood: Was Tom responsible for the murderous rampage across the city that night?

Harry J. Potter: We both were! They all deserved to die, my whole life was dedicated to the Ministry. I thought I was appreciated, I thought I was doing the right thing but it all funnels down to defense weapons. Defending the Ministry from Merlin knows bloody what! I was creating killing machines, my family deteriorated before my very eyes!

Dr. Lovegood: Harry, please take a deep breath.

Harry J. Potter: For what? A fucking job? ... I'm sorry, I just want to see my family again. Please.

Dr. Lovegood: I'm afraid there are some memories the drug cannot bring back.

Harry J. Potter: What do you mean? What am I forgetting? Please, I want to know, tell me. Please Lindsay, I beg you. I … ah, no ... oh my god, no, I'm forgetting your name. Please, inject me with more Cortexa. I need to remember, please!

Dr. Lovegood: We will, Harry, we will. Next week. I'm sorry.

Harry J. Potter: No, Now! Just, just, don't, I'm so sick of forgetting.

Dr. Lovegood: We will help you Harry. I will help you, no matter what.

Harry J. Potter: Help ... ah, help me with what? Where am I?

Dr. Lovegood: You're in a safe place Harry. A place where we can help you.

Harry J. Potter: Thank you, who are you?

Dr. Lovegood: My name is Dr. Lovegood.


	4. Do you feel like a Hero yet ?

He did it. It's almost over. Almost. Just a bit more. "Come on Weasley. Move your ass." Ron thought to himself as he dragged himself towards the stairs.

"Well done Weasley. You've done what the Dark Lord could not." Potter's voice echoed through the empty halls of the Ministry. "Destroyed the Auror Force. Do you feel like a hero yet ?"

"Don't let him get to you, Weasley." Ron thought to himself. "He's no longer your friend."

"Please, come in." There was a smugness in Har..,no, in Potter's voice. The door of the Department of Mysteries open itself up to him.

"Now that you're here, I wanna ask you a question." Potter's voice sounded in his ears again. "What did you think when you came back to Britain, when you've seen what I've done, did you think it the work of a... mad man ?"

"Yeah, I thought you lost your goddamned mind." Ron wheezed out as he climbed the steps toward the upper floor. "I hoped that's what happened."

"Oh yes, that would've made things easier. But I wasn't that lucky."

"You sure about that ?"

"Oh I assure you, I am as sane as you are."

As Ron Weasley, last survivor of the Unspeakables, ascended on the upper floor, he could see him. A light shine upon him, illuminating his location like a beacon in the darkness. Still lanky, but no longer scrawny. His hair were as untamed as ever. Harry Potter stood there, his hands working on a painting, the brush deftly flicking over the surface of the canvas. He didn't seem to notice childhood friend as Ron dragged himself toward the light.

"No matterhow hard I tried, I could never escaped the reality of what happened here." Harry said. "That, was my downfall." With the last stroke of the brush, he injected his magic into the canvas as painting came to life. "There, finished." He turned around and looked at Ron, and smiled. "I hope you like it."

"What the hell is going on ?" Ron asked, his voice weary.

"Your eyes are opeing for the first time." Harry told his old friend. "It hurts, doesn't it ?" Harry gestured to his work. "Go on. What do you think ?"

The painting was a horrific visage. People are being burned alive, the red hot flames licking at their flesh, charring them, their skin cracking, their body melting as they tried to claw their ways to escape. There, at the center of the painting, a mother held her daughter for the last time as she used her body to shield her child, as the flame descended upon them, their tears were burned away as their fates were sealed.

"You did this." Ron said, his voice barely a whisper.

"No. You did." Harry turned to Ron as he walked toward the far end of the room. "Your order for Fiendfyre killed 47 innocent people."

No. NO. Not like this. It wasn't his fault.

"Someone has to pay for your crimes, Weasley." Harry's voice echoed around the room. "Who's it gonna be ?"

"Harry ? Is that you ?"

"You tell me." The voice replied.

"I'm done playing games, Harry."

"I assure you, this is no game." The voice leaded on, a few meters ahead.

The last Unspeakable walked on, his feet dragging over the floor as he walked toward the voice. There, ahead, shrouded in darkness, sat a figure on a throne. Is that what he think it is ? No, no, no, no. NO. NO. NO.

There, sat upon the throne, is the corpse of Harry Potter. His body may have decayed, but there is no mistaking the faint lightning bolt scar upon his forehead. His arms hanged limply on his side. The Elder Wand. Ron gingerly took it from the corpse of his once upon a time best friend.

"It seems that reports of my... survival have been greatly exaggerated." Harry said, appearing from behind Ron, looking just the same as he was when he was alive.

"This isn't possible..." Ron gasped.

"Oh I assure you, it is."

"How ?"

"Not how. Why ? You were never meant to come here."

* * *

 _"We have our order." Ron said as he jogged in front of Dean and Neville. "Leave the city, contact the ICW from outside the barrier. They send in the cavalry, we go home."_

* * *

"What happened here was out of my control..." Ron defended himself.

"Was it? None of this would've happened if you just stopped." Harry said. "But on you marched. And for what ?"

"We tried to save you."

"You're no savior. Your talents lie elsewhere."

* * *

 _A destroyed Diagon Alley._

 _People trappd beneath burning wreckage._

 _Him trying to save a dying Neville._

 _The voices of Dean and Neville as Ron took in the aftermath of the Fiendfyre._

 _"THIS IS YOUR FAULT GODDAMNIT." Neville screamed toward him._

 _"Stop right there, Longbottom." Dean said as he held Neville back._

 _"HE DIDN'T LISTEN."_

 _"WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE." Dean replied, his voice raising in the heat of argument._

 _"HE TURNED US INTO FUCKING KILLERS."_

* * *

"This isn't my fault." Ron told Harry.

"It takes a strong man to deny what's right in front of him. And if the truth is undeniable, you create your own."

* * *

 _"What the hell happened ?" Dean asked Neville._

 _"I don't know, he just stop moving."_

 _"Snap out of it, Weasley." Dean shook Ron as the Unspeakable stared blankly ahead as if entranced by something unseen._

* * *

"The truth, Weasley, is that you're here because you wanted to feel like something you're not: A hero."

No. No. Not like that. Never that.

* * *

 _"YOU LEFT ME TO DIE" The boggart shouted as it took Neville's form._

* * *

"I'm here because you can't accept what you've done."

* * *

 _"Harry ?" Ron asked as he picked up a piece of broken mirror. "Harry, can you hear me ?"_

* * *

"It broke you. You needed someone to blame, so you cast it on me. A dead man."

* * *

 _"What's going on, Weasley ?" Dean asked._

 _"It's Potter. He did this. All of it."_

* * *

"I know the truth is hard to hear Weasley, but it's time." Harry said as walked toward a mirror. "You're all that's left and we can't live this lie forever."

Harry turned around and level his own copy of the Elder Wand at Ron who followed.

"I'm going to count to five, then I'll cast the curse that gave me this scar."

"You're not real." Ron whispered, clutching his head in pain. "This is all in my head."

"Are you sure ?" Harry smiled. "Maybe it's in mine ?"

One.

"No... everything, all of this, it was your fault !" Ron screamed.

"If that's what you believe then kill me."

Two.

"I… I didn't mean to hurt anybody..." Ron choked out.

"No one ever does Weasley."

Three.

There was only silence. Ron pointed the Elder Wand at Harry.

Four. 

"Is this really what you want Weasley?" Harry said with an air of finality. So be it."

Five.

* * *

 **AVADA KEDAVRA**


End file.
